


Oh Deer

by cloudmist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, Marauders' Era, like its not rly wolfstar but its not... not wolfstar, wolfstar if u believe in ur heart like i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3673113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudmist/pseuds/cloudmist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of Sirius and James' close calls while trying to secretly become animagi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Deer

“Why do _I_ have to stand guard?” Peter complained yet again.

“Because you’re awful at this. Come on Wormy, do you want to have to explain to Remus why you have whiskers growing out of your face _again?_ ” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I wouldn’t be having so much trouble if we could just ask Remus to help us,” Peter said irritably.

“Like we said, it’s a surprise. Come on Wormtail, don’t ruin this just because you’re incompetent. Can you imagine the look on Moony’s face when he finds out we’re all animagi?” Sirius grinned, ushering Peter out of their dorm.

“That’s _if_ we can become animagi,” Peter huffed.

“’Course we will. Well, maybe you won’t. But don’t doubt our ability. And don’t forget, if Remus returns from the library, scream. It’s a quieter squeak if he’s just hanging about the common room, and a loud shriek if he’s coming upstairs,” Sirius instructed.

Peter rolled his eyes, allowing Sirius to shove him out of the room and slam the door behind him. Sirius turned to James, who was sitting on his bed, already in the process of removing his clothes. “Right, do you want to go first, or shall I?” he asked, unfastening his cloak. They were definitely not at a level of competency where they could transform their clothes with them, so they had to get undressed beforehand so they didn’t wreck their uniforms.

“Allow me.” James stood up, bowing dramatically. He pulled out his wand and put on an expression of great concentration. Sirius watched him strain for a couple minutes before becoming bored and elbowing him out of the center of the room.

“Right, you’re awful at this, my turn,” Sirius said, pulling out his wand. However, he was equally unsuccessful. The switched back and forth a few times, but to their increasing frustration, they could not achieve animal form.

“I don’t understand what’s wrong,” James frowned, sitting on his bed again and examining his wand. “Last time with Peter you could do it, right?”

“Yeah, but really briefly. It was weird. My animal form’s a dog though,” Sirius said, still struggling in the middle of the room.

“I don’t understand what the problem is,” James repeated, screwing up his face again. “Holy shi—!” His voice cut off in a loud bleat. He had turned into a deer. Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed, before letting out a cackle of laughter.

As a deer, he could no longer sit as he had previously been doing. James’ front hooves skidded on the floor as he tried to pull his hind legs off the bed and stand properly.

“What the fuck are you doing!” Sirius shouted as James’ antlers became tangled in his bed hangings. James reared, knocking over his bedside cabinet. The glass door shattered. Sirius moved forward to try and help, but only met flailing hooves. He hung back, thinking that James could probably break his jaw if he kicked him. The hangings ripped, bringing down a wooden bedpost with them.

“Stop thrashing, you prick, let me help you―” Sirius broke off as he heard Peter scream downstairs. A high pitched shriek. “Shit. Remus is coming.”

The deer gave him a panicked look. Sirius quickly grabbed James’ wand off the floor and shoved it in James’ mouth, before diving onto his own bed. He glimpsed James turning back into a human before his attention was drawn to the door.

Remus entered the room, muttering to himself. “Weird bloke, that Peter… What the hell.” His eyes went from James, naked and hanging upside down off his bed, supported only by his torn hangings, to Sirius, also naked and lying on his side in an unconvincingly casual pose.

“Hey Moony,” Sirius said.

“Why are you naked?” Remus looked slightly appalled.

“Get some studying done?” Sirius continued as if Remus hadn’t spoken.

“And what happened to James?” Remus looked at James. Blood was rushing to his face and his glasses dangled dangerously off his nose as he fought with the hangings.

“You know, you look really nice tonight. Is that a new robe?” Sirius was still talking.

“Sirius.”

“It really brings out your eyes…”

“Sirius! Answer my question!” Remus snapped.

Sirius immediately adopted a very somber expression, one appropriate of a funeral. “Well, you see… James and I, we were doing a bit of studying ourselves, actually, and we found we were a bit too hot up here, so we… we took our clothes off.” He finished lamely.

“It’s the middle of winter.”

“So?”

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And? Why is James entangled in half his destroyed bed?”

“Moony, why does James do anything?” Sirius said earnestly. James made an indignant noise but was prevented from protesting the implication that he was simply weird any further ― his hangings had finally released him and he fell head first on the floor.

Remus diverted his gaze to the ceiling, though whether it was in exasperation or to avoid looking at James’ dick was uncertain. “Right. I am going to return to the common room and pretend this entire exchange didn’t happen. I expect you to have this mess cleaned up by the time I come up for bed. Or don’t, I may request to be moved to a different dorm.” He turned on his heel and left, the door slamming behind him.

“Ah, Moony. Always one for dramatics,” Sirius said fondly.

“Look who’s talking,” James muttered, slowly standing up and rubbing the top of his head. “He won’t move dorms. He loves us.”

“Of course he loves us. We’re quite charming.”

“Positively irresistible.”

“Right, since we seem to have bought ourselves another hour or so, shall we have another go?”

“But of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> ok i couldnt quite think of how to describe it but just so u know sirius' "unconvincingly casual pose" is the "draw me like one of your french girls" pose. also dont even talk to me about that title i couldnt think of anything.


End file.
